please be prepare; i’m about to write a teary-ass paragraph. yikes! hahaha.
i’d like to inform you that i am officially in a relationship with someone right now (well, um, it’s been a few months actually but we like to keep it private.) his name is rey, short for reyhan. that’s what i called him at first before calling him baby for now.
he has been, the purest, warmest, supportive kind-hearted person towards me since the beginning. i was thinking that it’s just one of his acts on trying to win my heart, to get me wrapped in his arms, but then as the time goes by i’m proud to say that he is doing all the works purely because of curiosity and love. i was really careful with myself and everything that i do with him, because i don’t fucking want another poor, miserable heartbreak stories in my life. and, he is aware that i was still fragile over everything that has happened and growing so much hatred towards those men who have hurt me in the past. let’s just say that his presence was kind of a blessing for me because i think i (finally) met my “soulmate”. i see myself in him and he see himself in me. which is fucking awesome to think that i never had this kind of feeling before in any of my previous relationships. i am so glad now that i finally found someone who happened to be a hopeless romantic, pure, genuine, sweet, thoughtful, has pretty hair, cute nose, bright amazing smile and every single other thing that are too much to mention. we’ve been together for a few months now our feelings has grown so much more stronger than ever before. we have plans to do (a lot of it) and we couldn’t wait to actually making it to reality.
he kept saying to have faith in my over and over again, and so i’ll just believe in him. and let the world do the rest.
and, um.. so my dad passed away on september 19th this year. i was.. (and still) having such a hard time these days, also my mom and my brother. but we’re hella strong. and we managed to get over our sadness and move on because there’s not a lot to cry, we just need to keep sending our prayers for my dad whose now in heaven.
we miss you here, ayah. i’m so sorry that we were not there by your side during your last moments in here. i wish we could’ve, but we couldn’t. i won’t blame the situation, but.. it’s truly a shit to be in right now. i’m sorry i never wished you a happy birthday. mama said your birthday is fake (based on your id) and you didn’t even know your real birth day but still, i should’ve just wished you anyway and brought you a cake & gift. i was always picturing this situation would happen and i don’t get to wish you a happy birthday even just for once before you’re gone. and it fucking happened. you must be really sad your whole life… i don’t know, i just know. you never have time for yourself. or you were always have? when you pray? you pray a lot, reads the holy book a lot, he was a great man.
he was a good person, he was a good father (to think through now) because no one will ever replace him and he’s gone now). but i believe he is in the best place in heaven now. i never said that i love him, but i believe that he knew that already. rest in love, peace & power, ayah. i love you and i will always miss you here. ❤