~thoughts & feelings about the L word.
i thought that the meaning of love is indescribable and i am unable to spit it out and explain it in such a short time. it holds so much meanings, in various large scale. from my opinion, love is a feeling that is purely created by your own vision towards something or someone that you think are important, makes you feel even more alive than usual, brings you joy or excites you — in your own life. and many other reasons that i find it hard to elaborate.
love is something that grows within you, that has no pressure at all. for example; love is the look on your face when you are just casually staring at your boyfriend while he happily plays that one game you hate on his play station 4, love is the pleasure you get after you gulp down that overly famous boba milk tea after waiting in line for 2 hours, love is the angry mother who rants about your unlimited homework and how troublesome it is but she always help you do it, love is that feeling you get when the music you’ve been waiting to hear (since a long time ago) and you have finally able to put it on the speaker and increase the volume up, love is that one activity that you passionately like to do because it soothes you. it is as simple as that.
because love is simple.
i always thought that love can only be obtained by having a relationship with someone, because that’s the most basic way to describe what love is. but, as i grow older then i realized that —
love is e v e r y w h e r e.
i, myself, used to have no idea what love is. i never understand what’s its all about. i thought it’s kinda lame; like, okay, i get it, you’re in love with someone, then what? is some miracle going to happen once you fall in love with someone? now that’s some bullshit right there. i was always cynical when it comes to all the lovey-dovey thingy around me. i used to watch all my friends having either a boyfriend or a girlfriend and they would play with their phone screen and smile like a donkey. and in my head was “what is wrong with them? what is so exciting about that?” i never get to fully understand that until i, myself, fall in love with someone.
to be honest, my love journey has been one hell of a roller-coaster. i used to have zero interest in the terms of love & relationship, and had no idea what to do with what we called “boyfriend”. do i bath them? do i wish them good nights every single day? should i pull some idiotic stunt to make him happy? do we go somewhere private and talk about our life problems? should i cry over to my best friend when we argue? what?
then i grow older; meet up with lots of people and personalities, planting feelings on some people that i find attractive, got the same vibes as me, understands me, basically those who meet up with my preferences. to be honest; i did not fall in love with all of them, but my affection towards those men i’ve dated before are real.
because, i think that, love is pretty crucial. there are some types of love that grows you stronger and better and has all those positive side effects towards you; but then, there are also some types of love that makes you feel worse, trapped, or kills you slowly. and that’s the bitter truth of love. it’s not always sunshines and rainbows and sprinkles and unicorns, but it’s also thunders and gloomy clouds and tears and madness. love could turn your life upside down. love could turn you from a to z really quick. love could do all of those unexpected and unbelievable stuff without you even realizing it.
if you think you have never been in love with someone before, i hope you will experience that special feelings anytime soon near now, surely but slowly. or maybe later.
because it would be one of the greatest feelings you will experience in your whole life.